My WHY

Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss challenge at my new gym.  I know, I know - super cliche' to sign up for a weight loss challenge in January... but I actually thought it would be fun.  I like group challenges and I'm just a teeny-tiny bit competitive - so I figured this was the kind of thing that might help me kick start the new year and lose those few extra pounds that, while not important in the grand scheme of things, do bug me a little.

Part of signing up for the challenge was filling out a questionnaire about what was causing us to want to participate. What was our motivation? What was our WHY?

That's easy. It's her. It's always her.

"I have a nine-year-old daughter with special needs." I wrote, "She needs me to be healthy and strong for her - for many, many years to come.  She is my WHY."

And it's true.
When my heart is about to explode but I'm pushing plus on the treadmill speed, she's my why.
When my muscles are shaking but I'm reaching for heavier weights, she's my why.
When I'm woefully chewing on a celery stick instead of enjoying a plate of pasta, she's my why.

I want to be healthy for her. Strong for her. Feel good about me, for her.

And it's not just my physical body she motivates me to improve.
When I'm implementing new strategies to manage my escalating anxiety, she's my why.
When I'm resisting my natural impulse to get angry with people who frustrate me, she's my why.
When I make myself vulnerable by speaking against the injustices I see, she's my why
When I risk disappointing people by saying no to things, and I hate disappointing people by saying no to things, she's my why.

I want to be peaceful for her. Joyful for her. Brave for her. Rested for her.

I have the honor of being the mom to this incredible little person who will need my care her entire life.
And there is no more motivating WHY in all the world than to be able to do that for her.

She will always be my WHY!